Santa Claus Delivers His Annual "State of the Pole"Address 

(Editor's note:  This address by the jolly ole' Elf was delivered on Christmas Eve.  The address has been edited to make it current.  If a full unedited version is desired, please email Santa's Society at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it for the full version.) 

 NORTH POLE HEADQUARTERS, ARCTIC CIRCLE, 12/23/08 --- Resplendent in their royal robes, identifying them as Their Majesties, King Nicholas and Queen Vivianne of the Realm of Eternity, Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus appeared tonight before a mass assembly of Elves, Helpers, and Immortals of Civilized History. The occasion was Santa's traditional "State of the Pole" Address, in which the Jolly Old Elf recapped his adventures during 2008 --- and previewed not only his usual Christmas Eve flight around the world, but also several significant events taking place in 2009 in which Santa was expected to portray a major role.  

As always, the Address was delivered in the Throne Room of Santa's Royal Palace and Toy Workshop where, as King Nicholas, he customarily welcomes those who, at the end of their alloted time on Earth, have proven themselves brave, loyal, truthful and unselfish: the all-important required credentials for permanent citizenship in the Realm of Eternity.  Here is an abridged text of Santa Claus' "State of the Pole" Address:  

WELCOME TO YOU ALL, FAITHFUL FRIENDS AND FELLOW BELIEVERS!  As usual, it is both a privilege and an honor to bid you all a fond hello! In accordance with our annual tradition, it is once more my pleasure to report to you regarding the status of our continued Legend.   

When our delegates at Bakken chose wrestling hero Asbjorn Riis, Denmark's version of Hulk Hogan, to be their Santa Claus of the Year, it was obviously one of the strangest decisions ever made in the entire 51-year history of the World Santa Claus Congress. While I recognize that they've made far more wackier choices in that time, one thing is for certain: the over 130 delegate Santas, representing some 20 countries, never fail to amaze us up here at the Top of the World. I feel certain that the 2009 World Santa Claus Congress will, other than providing its global-renowned hilarity, will once again demonstrate its tactfulness, good humor, and --- not to put too fine a point on it --- just plain good clean fun!  

Much of 2008 has been, pound-for-pound, a rollercoaster ride of unusual adventures and incredible stories: some of them fantastically positive; other far less so. But, having witnessed and/or played a vital role in all of them, I can take comfort in rediscovering the wonder inherent in every step of our journey, from posing for pet-packed photographs in Pomona, California to carrying on clever conversations with children in Chicago!  

Unfortunately, as previous years have repeatedly demonstrated, my adventures have not necessarily been all fun and games. Our vast international audience continues to demand my constant response to fulfilling the needs and challenges of an ever-changing world of children. One such challenge, brought to my attention during the early spring of this year, and only now just recently resurfaced, has been the so-called 'tainted toys' controversy. Over 1500 of the world's most popular toys, dolls, games, etc. have been tested by an ever-vigilant squadron of Elves working for the website HealthyToys.org; of these 1500, about one-third has been revealed to contain 'medium' or 'high' levels of potentially hazardous chemicals. My Research & Development Elf Department continues to monitor this situation, and will, should it be so required, report their findings directly to me; in return, I will, when the occasion calls for it, share the results of their findings with you. My sole hope is, of course, that what we come up with in the end will contribute to a better, more beneficial, and, dare I say it, a nicer toy manufacturing process.   

In 2008, two significant Santas made spectacular contributions to this, one of my best years ever: when Chicago's own Phillip L. Wenz wrote down the Eight Principles of the Santa Claus Oath, he gave careful, calculated thought to the basic ethics and morals which, during my early years as Nicholas, Bishop of Myra, I tried to so boldly share with my parishioners. Today, those who choose to abide by the promises as set forth in the Oath stand proudly and honorably as charter members of one of the world's most unique fraternities: they have effective taken the title Knights of Christmas. I trust that you will all join me in wishing our newly-formed Knighthood good fortune as they pursue their Quests, this year and in years to come.  

Meanwhile in Los Angeles, no other Santa has worked harder or more diligently than Tim Connaghan. His nearly 50 years as performer, author, and instructor have remained a beacon of inspiration to those who have studied, and to those now currently studying, under his intense, personal tutelage. Like Phil Wenz, Tim Connaghan has secured his place amongst the Knighthood of Christmas.  It comes as no surprise, then, that on March 16th, 17th, and 18th, 2009, Tim and Phil will join over 350 of their fellow Santas (not to mention innumerable friends, colleagues, associates, etc.) in Gatlinburg, Tennessee, for an event which thus far has generated more buzz, more anticipation, and more discussion than any other in that city's long history: the three-day Celebrate Santa Convention, at the Gatlinburg Convention Center; and the St. Patrick's Day Holly and Shamrock Parade along the streets of downtown Gatlinburg itself!  

Both events combined are expected to involve some 3.7 million participants, and provide the City of Gatlinburg with perhaps its biggest boost of tourists EVER! And unquestionably, there are many people around the world who will want to tell their children, their grandchildren, or even their great-grandchildren: "I was there!" For they will have witnessed history in the making: history inspired by the unshakable faith which you, the inhabitants of the Realm of Eternity, have shared over the course of your many adventures both within and beyond Planet Earth.  

I should like to close these remarks by saying that the New Year promises all of us a future where, as long as we continue to work diligently and hopefully, we will have greater chances to encourage belief within the children of the world. I remember well the morning when I first sat upon this Throne in your presence, my loyal subjects. On that day, I made another promise --- that if we all worked together, we could find a way to restore Friendship to the peoples of the world. The time has now come for me to renew that promise, and this I do with all my heart. As I do, however, I remind myself and all of you within the sound of my voice that we are all connected in this constant puzzle called Humanity. Mankind is notable, as I have long suspected, for making choices that will either shape the world or destroy it. My wish in this, as in every Christmas season, is that Mankind choose wisely, lest he make the wrong mistake. For the next generation will be the ones who will pass our Christmas wisdom to our descendants --- past, present, and future.  

Having said that, I wonder if we'll all have a world to leave our children in the next Century. I wonder, too, if Christmas will remain its magical, enduring hope. As always, in parting from you, I can only say: It's up to you.  Godspeed to you each and all, and as ever --- 

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!  

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